Friday, December 30, 2016

Primordial Funk

Maybe I've just been in denial since Nov. 8. Maybe I've just been busy since Nov. 8. I spent an amazing month with my husband in New York, absorbing everything the city has to offer in terms of food, culture, parks and friends. But now that things have slowed down for me with the holidays, I find myself in a deep funk over what's coming at us in January.

I go to the gym and take out my frustration on the weights. I walk. I read. I write. I try to avoid stupidity and I try to surround myself with the people I love and who love me back. I'm trying to tightly control my physical environment, because it's the only thing I feel I can control. And still...

My "third place," (the CherryBean Coffee House & Roastery) shut down this week for renovations and I am at Starbucks, where I normally don't go because friends don't let friends drink corporate coffee. I'm at a table, making a list of crap I need to get done in the next few days, and I overhear the 60something-year-old man at the table next to me say the following to his friend: "In terms of that transgender stuff, I just don't agree with it. I can't go along with it." And I quake with rage and think, "Motherfucker, nobody needs you to agree or go along with anything. Have the same respect for your fellow humans that you expect them to have for you." But I say nothing and wonder if I should.

I've spent the past few days mucking out my kitchen, because seriously, who the hell needs two slow cookers? The day we left for New York, I received a late shipment of bulbs—amaryllis, hyacinths, etc.—that I was hoping to get going and have in full bloom for Christmas. Instead, the box arrived a few hours before we were leaving, the day after the election, so I threw most of the bulbs in the back hallway, put the hyacinths in forcing vases and left. While I was mucking out the hallway, I found the amaryllis. It had started growing, pretty desperate to find light, and grew in a crooked shape, with one sad bloom trying to come out. I put it in compost and dirt, watered it and put it in the sunniest window we have. I hope it's going to find the light and grow straight.

It's a metaphor, people. Work with me here. 

Anyone have any good advice for how we can all handle what's coming at us in January?