Friday, December 30, 2016

Primordial Funk

Maybe I've just been in denial since Nov. 8. Maybe I've just been busy since Nov. 8. I spent an amazing month with my husband in New York, absorbing everything the city has to offer in terms of food, culture, parks and friends. But now that things have slowed down for me with the holidays, I find myself in a deep funk over what's coming at us in January.

I go to the gym and take out my frustration on the weights. I walk. I read. I write. I try to avoid stupidity and I try to surround myself with the people I love and who love me back. I'm trying to tightly control my physical environment, because it's the only thing I feel I can control. And still...

My "third place," (the CherryBean Coffee House & Roastery) shut down this week for renovations and I am at Starbucks, where I normally don't go because friends don't let friends drink corporate coffee. I'm at a table, making a list of crap I need to get done in the next few days, and I overhear the 60something-year-old man at the table next to me say the following to his friend: "In terms of that transgender stuff, I just don't agree with it. I can't go along with it." And I quake with rage and think, "Motherfucker, nobody needs you to agree or go along with anything. Have the same respect for your fellow humans that you expect them to have for you." But I say nothing and wonder if I should.

I've spent the past few days mucking out my kitchen, because seriously, who the hell needs two slow cookers? The day we left for New York, I received a late shipment of bulbs—amaryllis, hyacinths, etc.—that I was hoping to get going and have in full bloom for Christmas. Instead, the box arrived a few hours before we were leaving, the day after the election, so I threw most of the bulbs in the back hallway, put the hyacinths in forcing vases and left. While I was mucking out the hallway, I found the amaryllis. It had started growing, pretty desperate to find light, and grew in a crooked shape, with one sad bloom trying to come out. I put it in compost and dirt, watered it and put it in the sunniest window we have. I hope it's going to find the light and grow straight.

It's a metaphor, people. Work with me here. 

Anyone have any good advice for how we can all handle what's coming at us in January? 


  1. 217 here. I've been in that funk too, sometimes frozen in fear, so I don't do anything real or substantial because I can't move. And then a dear neighbor makes a list of things she's doing in the new year and one is help. We make sandwiches for Chinatown and as I walk home I know that whatever I can do will be with my own hands in my own neighborhood, my own town, my own yard. The things I can change are the things I can touch, my garden, my friends, the homeless who are my neighbors. I can go to City Council meeting. I can change my own corner of the world. That, I trust will ripple out into the rest of the world. Perhaps I will thaw.

  2. A decorative, hand-painted clown head from Ecuador...I think that will solve most of your problems. And the world's...

  3. Look for the heroes. Create beauty and beautiful things. Help others. Make my own little corner of the world better for everything. Believe in the good in people. Don't give up hope. Don't give into hate. Love my friends and hold them up.
    This is what I'm planning to do.

  4. You know, I've been completely floored by 2016 and the election results. I kinda feel like we're living in a version of Seinfeld's Bizarro World right now. Our new day-to-day reality has become completely surreal. I read about Trump in the NY Times and feel like I'm reading some version of fake news. It's so awful that it seems unreal. I've been majorly sick in bed with pneumonia over the last three weeks, which has given me alot of time to think about things. I finally came to the conclusion that in order to survive and thrive during the uncertain future, I have to discard my natural Type A behavior, stop worrying about everything in the world that's out of my direct control, and start enjoying life each day as it comes. It might sound ridiculously easy but it's been the most difficult thing I've ever tried to do (besides childbirth and preparing my tax returns). But I actually think it's working because since I started dropping all my pre-conceived notions about how my life "should" be, I feel this weird sense of easiness and fulfillment. I'm enjoying my family, my books, my cups of tea and my cats way more than I did before. Go figure.

  5. Stay away from television news (I think you know that).
    Plan a trip.
    How have we never discussed Con Air?


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