Sunday, October 24, 2010

You Can't Kill the Rooster

To paraphrase David Sedaris, when shit (like a snail-slow architect who shows you nothing but disdain and a schadenfreude-ridden city building department that loves not giving you a building permit) brings you down, sometimes you just gotta say "fuck it" and sand yourself some motherfucking floors.

(The swearing quotient on this blog is about to go up. As of Oct. 27, I will no longer be working for the American City Business Journals chain, where I was once pulled into my editor's office and scolded for calling Pat Robertson a douchebag on Twitter after this guy read the tweet and ratted me out. I'm not sure what the "E" in his name stands for. I'm thinking "exceedingly earnest." Just so we're clear: anyone who says that Haiti got what it deserved when the 7.0-magnitude earthquake hit because the country once "made a pact with the devil" is a douchebag. And a journalist who rats out another journalist for saying so? Well I guess he's just a company man.)

But I digress.

About ten days ago we got the comments back on our second building plan submittal. There was a list of 30 things that needed to be re-done on the plans before we could resubmit. I'd say about 70 percent of this falls squarely on the building department, because they were decidedly unclear when they gave comments on the first round. But the other 30 percent, I'm laying at the feet of the architect. There were things that should have been done on the second round that he knew about, that were spelled out and that he still didn't do.

Chuck emails him and says the following: "Since these comments were all there the first round and you did not address them properly, I expect you to make the changes and overnight the plans to me at no cost."

The architect shoots back this: "As for my fees, my contract is with (the contractor) and they will be billed in accordance with my contract with them."

And this is the point where Chuck loses his mind. Because Chuck? He's the guy who does his job. And right now? Everyone else is pretty much the other guy.

As a result of us still not having a permit for the main house, it's safe to say Thanksgiving is fucked. I'm hoping that Christmas is not fucked as well. But having a new job at a paper where journalism still means something is reason to celebrate and damnit, I want to have people over for a soup party before I start.

We got some of our furniture out of storage and set up the dining room. Hung some lights, hung some art and polished up the dining room table, but the floor looks like hell. Underneath layers of grime and some type of paper-backing (because at some point apparently some idiot thought it would be a good idea to lay down linoleum on top of the pristine, clear redwood planking), there is beauty to be found. But it's going to take more than a wet mop to make it happen.

So yesterday, we rented a sander.

(to be continued ...)


  1. I sure hope your floors are Douglas Fir and not Redwood. Redwood is sooooo soft it falls apart when you look at it and it will leave some very, very nasty (infected) splinters in your butt next time you try to slide across the floor in your panties. (or your son's girlfriends try same stunt, pro'ly more likely but what the hey)

  2. Chuck thinks it's redwood or red oak because it's too red to be fir. Based on the way it's splintering, though, you're probably right about the panties issue. (As soon as I find my camera cord, I'll finish the second half of the post and throw in some pics. They're beeeeyoooteeeful.)

  3. So who do I have to (snog, blow, screw) at The City to get a permit for chickens at your place? Who is it up to and, hey...isn't there an election soon? ~Mela

  4. You know, if you wait until Thursday, we can get my class over there with some sandpaper on their shoes. Then, we crank up "Robot Rock," and--poof!!--floors done in no time. (We'll just keep giving them juice boxes and fruit snacks until they're done.)It's about time the little moochers started doing something to earn their keep...


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